This has not been the smooth ride I though it would be.
The first time I got healthy, it was amazing. I am realizing now that part of why it was amazing was that it all surprised me. The weight loss, the strength, and the feeling that I can do it was all so new that it was incredibly motivating.
This time, I have the feeling of "I should be able to do this". Every pound lost is being met with a "finally" by me instead of a "yay this is incredible." It's not all new and novel. It's old news, and its difficult.
This is a mistake. Expectations that are being put on me without any positive affirmation are not ok.
We all do this, I once heard this concept be called "the tyranny of the shoulds"
I should be thin
I should be able to do this easily
I should be eating healthy
and
I should be thrilled about eating healthy and exercise.
But what we want to move towards is a balance between positive motivation and acceptance:
This may not be as easy this time, and thats ok
My body may not be ready for a hard amount of intense exercise, and that's ok.
I may struggle and feel unmotivated at times, and thats ok (as long as I don't too badly self sabotage the health goals I'm trying to meet)
I accept that with each baby it might get harder,
I accept as I get older it might get harder,
I accept that there may be other things going on in my life right now that are a higher priority than healthy food and exercise on any given day
I need to shower love and acceptance on myself, on my situation, and not a sense of disappointment.
While at the same time remembering every morning:
I love my body and I need to keep it healthy
I feel so good after I exercise
I feel so good after a day of healthy eating and giving my body what it needs
I feel so good about myself when I'm able to fit into my clothes
I want to be able to run faster and without pain which most definitely means I need to slowly lose more weight.
It's a balance, good days, hard days, lots of exercise, letting my body rest, feeling motivated, feeling done with it
And thats ok.
Let the journey towards health continue
